And so it begins, my countdown to surgery also known as "wherein I bore my readers by droning out about NOTHING you came here for - no mention of homemaking or harvard or anything else interesting". Are we all excited?
My surgery is two weeks from tomorrow. For 2 weeks before the surgery you are on an all-liquid diet, supposedly to reduce liver inflammation because apparently your liver is close to your stomach and god forbid the surgeon have a "hard" job, much better for me to suffer for a few weeks. (There might also be some data on reduction of complications, etc. but... whatever.) The diet consists of 5 protein drinks a day, water, and you can splurge on broth or sugar free jello. What up Bill Cosby!? There's always room, baby.
I started the diet today because I could no longer take the anticipation of how horrible it was going to feel the first few days. It's 4:25 pm as I type and I have yet to put anything solid in my mouth. More amazingly, I have yet to snap at anyone! I'm not feeling spectacular but drinking hot tea all day has helped, as has letting myself watch as much mindless tv as I want without worrying about it. (Did you know there is a new season of Teen Mom on mtv?)
So here I am. I will never again weigh as much as I do in this picture. That should be a joyful, exciting thing to type but I am scared. Not of the surgery itself, but of failing. Of gaining the weight back after awhile. Of what I will do with the free time that I used to fill with eating. Of making it through the dark, depressing winter here without the things that used to make me feel cozy, like going out to eat, or cooking a big meal for everyone here.
My mom, who quit smoking after years and years, reminded my yesterday that I just have to take it in 5 minute intervals, not worry about what's coming up, just get through the now. And I have just passed 20 nows writing this, so yahoo! I'm off to watch The Walking Dead and try not to scream at my children or put them to bed obscenely early in order to avoid having to deal.
Wish me luck!