Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Bag Lady

I am a bit of a bag lady - I likes me some purses and before I had things like children to spend money on I spent way too much on 'em.  Cute little clutches, funky shoulder bags, leather, tassels, sparkles, I've done it all.  Once my son was born in 2005 I was introduced to a new type of bag, the diaper bag.  I've gone through quite a few, and all share the following characteristics:
1.  Are big enough to loose a child in
2.  Are stained with food/milk/puke
3.  Have held forgotten dirty diapers in some hidden pocket for much longer than I care to disclose
4.  Are so heavy they should not be carried on the same shoulder every day lest lopsidedness (of me, not the bag) set in.
5.  They have all been, let's face it, pretty ugly.  Even the first one, the one from my baby shower with the pretty petunias all over it... ugly.  And from there it was just downhill because while I get sick of bags easily even I wouldn't spend that much money on another one, so it was babies - r- us, backback-cum-diaper bag, you get the idea.

In sum, diaper bag = ugly, smelly, huge, and functional.  Able to carry everything required to sustain the life of 3 people.  (Jeremy has to carry his own shit).

This week I bought this:

While not my favorite bag ever (I am not loving the huge clunky silver things on the end of the straps, or the gold and silver 2-toned zipper...) it is n.o.t. a diaper bag.  It looks big in this picture but really is maybe 6" tall, and I am too lazy to go snap another shot so just take my word for it.
Full disclosure: it can hold a diaper, but so can a clutch so in my mind that is not the definitive measure of a diaper bag, please refer to aforementioned characteristics of what truly makes a diaper bag.

Zeni isn't totally at all potty trained but she's a pretty predictable pooper and I am at the point in motherhood where I see no need to change a diaper unless it is full of shit or actively getting the clothes around it wet.  The kids do also still require feeding upon occasion, but they can hold it together with some goldfish between meals.

With these realizations fully, well, realized I spied the bag at TJ Maxx this week and grabbed it up realizing that this bag is my first post-diaper-bag bag.  The first of many.  And while it is a pathetic sentiment and I would ridicule anyone who copped to having it, it makes me happy and sad at the same time.
Happy: I can now be the mom who actually looks kinda put together when she is out with her kids, cute bag and all.
Sad:  I have lost another excuse to leave the house without brushing teeth or hair
Happy: I don't have to be responsible for everything my kids need and do including bathroom and food related issues.
Sad:  See last happy.
Happy: I can grab my purse and head out and meet Jeremy for a quick lunch next year when both kids are in school at least half days.
Sad:  My kids, both of em, will have embarked on a life that has less and less to do with me, and I have a feeling my place in their lives just keeps on diminishing from this point on.
Happy:  See last sad.

Oy.  Also, does the move away from diaper bag signal a move back towards brief case?  Or professional bag of some sort?  Because, uh, yikes and no thanks and there is that whole gaping whole in my CV thing.

So there you have my musings on the purse.  Subject and Object.  I have no idea what that means.

Ridicule away.


chris said...

"less and less to do with me" seems to be taking my kids longer than I thought. The snacks I schlep around get bigger, the toys become skis and bikes, now I have 3 bags of junk (hats gloves jackets, ski boots, lunch).

But we did have the coolest diaper bag ever, dark green with black butterflies, very asian, not embarrassing for me.

Chris (your contractor)

dearheart said...

Totally with you on this - there's a bag for all seasons. These days I prefer a plastic bag to the real diaper bag. I keep that big old thing in the car.

anymommy said...

Bite your wicked tongue on that briefcase thing. Nooooooooooo.

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Anonymous said...

Great story :)). Totally agree with you on the diaper bags!