Thursday, March 13, 2008

A blog? Really....?

Blogging is totally self serving, right? Why would anyone want to read about my life?

I've decided to stop worrying about this - if no one reads this, at least it gives me some time to reflect and write in a way that feels somehow more productive than a journal. I've also been kicking around this idea of a book - a book about adoption for people who already have biological children.

My husband and I are adopting a baby from Ethiopia and we have a 2 year old biological son. Our reasons for adopting are many - my pregnancy was not fun and my delivery went from "maybe we'll just have it at home with a midwife" to "Ok, we're going to emergency c-section" - I don't think either Jeremy or I want to go through that again. We've both traveled and lived in other countries, met orphaned kids there and glimpsed their futures.... I was telling a friend it's times like this I wish I was religious because then I could just say "we are adopting because god told us to" and everyone would nod - sadly I'm not. Regardless, I do feel like adoption is the "right way", or the way that fits my family, to have another child

So back to the book thing - lots of adoption books spend time talking about infertility, coming to terms with infertility, dealing with infertility, etc etc etc. (Thankfully!), for us and it seems for a growing number of people this is not the case. People who are not infertile are choosing to adopt, and I think this cohort faces a lot of issues that are markedly different. Either that or I am the only one, but I think a lot about issues such as:

Will I love an adoptive child differently that I love my biological child?
Will I love them at all?
Will I feel resentment towards them if they end up having special needs?
Will my husband love our adoptive child the same as he loves our bio child?

Not that infertile adoptive parents don't face these questions, but when your asking them in the face of an experience with a biological child they take on a different slant.

Finally, for today, I would REALLY like to know what people think as they read this, so feedback is definetly welcome.

More to come, right now I guess I should go get Hayden, who is supposed to be napping but is instead going "Hayden wake up? Hayden wake up? MAMA, Hayden wake up!" yeah yeah yeah..


Mama Kalila said...

I know I've read your blog before, but somehow missed this first one! I couldn't help but smile as I read it because my husband & I hope to adopt one of our children someday... I've always wanted to & he's open to it because his mom was adopted. Thankfully some of the family members we've spoken to about it are very open to the idea... but not his mom. She thinks because we can have biological kids we don't need to... ??? Of course, she only wants us to have one - a second one maybe if we wait ten years. (shaking head here lol) Anyways, I found a great book on the sub that is written by a family that is "mixed" & doesn't deal w/ infertility issues... but it's pretty religiously based so I don't know if you'd like it..

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy reading your blogs...laughter is good, right? I also have a three year old biological son (born in Dec.)and we are in the process of adopting a little girl from Ethiopia. My husband was opposed to having another child until I brought up adoption. I have some health issues but for us it is more about doing something more, something for someone else. While we both know it won't make a big impact in the world, it will in the life of one child. Not all of my family is thrilled with this decision and most of them don't understand it. Of course, they think were nuts to want to go volunteer somewhere too...